MY MIND-LESS RAMBLING....

THE THING IS, IM MAD AT YOU....REALLY PISSED OFF. MY HEAD DOESNT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD TREAT ME THAT WAY. NEVER MIND MY HEART. LET'S START WITH SOMETHING SIMPLE, CAUSE MY HEART IS COMPLICATED. AS SIMPLE AS IT MAY SOUND TO YOU, I JUST DONT SEE HOW YOU COMPLETELY JUST SAY, AFTER EVERYTHING, "F*CK YOUR FEELINGS AND YOU, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME." I KNOW THOSE WERE NOT YOUR WORDS, BUT YOUR ACTIONS, WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT ACTIONS....I GUESS IT'S HARD FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO YOU. EXCEPT LOVE YOU. SO HOW DO YOU CHOOSE TO ACT LIKE THAT TOWARDS A PERSON THAT LOVES YOU? I KNOW IT SEEMS TRIVIAL TO YOU. YOU LIKE TO SAY IM EMOTIONAL AND MAYBE I AM. OK NO MAYBE. I REALLY AM, IT'S PART OF ME. JUST LIKE THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE PART OF YOU. ANYWAY, BEFORE YOU SAY IT, YEAH I KNOW, WHO KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN? OK FINE, THE THING IS, IT DID HAPPEN....BUT NOW YOU WANNA MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IT ONLY HAPPENED IN MY HEAD. LIKE I WAS GOING ON ABOUT THIS ON MY OWN. LOL, HOW I WISH I COULD GO INTO DETAIL HERE, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT READ THIS....AND THINGS HAVE A FUNNY WAY ABOUT "GETTING AROUND THE NET." BESIDES, IM NOT ONE TO PUT MY BUSINESS OUT IN THE STREET COMPLETELY.

BEFORE THIS TURNS INTO WHAT MAY SEEM LIKE A "HATE CAMPAIGN" (HATE IS TOO STRONG A WORD, BUT USED JUST FOR "SLOGANS SAKE") IM GONNA SAY THIS: NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE TELLS YOU, ON THE UPSIDE, I THINK YOU'RE A HELLUVA MAN. THAT'S NO JOKE. I ADMIRE THE GENERAL LOVE YOU HAVE FOR THE LORD, PEOPLE, LIFE..ETC. THE WAY YOU ARE WITH AND ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN IS BEAUTIFUL. EVEN IN THE TIMES WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS ARE NOT COMING TOGETHER, I KNOW WHERE YOUR HEART IS. I ADMIRE YOUR WANT TO BE AND DO BETTER WHERE THEY ARE CONCERNED. BUT SADLY ENOUGH, THIS IS NOT ABOUT ANYTHING I MENTIONED ABOVE. YOU HAVE THAT, FOR ME, HANDS DOWN.

ON THE DOWNSIDE, YES THERE IS ONE, I THINK YOU HAVE A HELLUVA LOT OF NERVE. PLAYING WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT. WELL TO HELL WITH PEOPLE, CAUSE IM NOT INTERESTED IN HOW YOU TREAT THEM....THIS YOU ALREADY KNOW. YOU HAVE NERVE TREATING ME LIKE THAT. I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD YOU THAT MY FEELINGS AND MY HEART ARE TWO THINGS THAT I DONT PLAY WITH. I GAVE YOU MY HEART AND SHARED MY FEELINGS AND YOU LET ME DOWN....BIG TIME. AND THE REASON(S), I CANT EVEN TOUCH THEM. YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL. THEN TO WATCH YOU NOW AFTER ALL YOU SAID TO ME....AND YOU WONDER WHY I FEEL THE WAY I DO? ARE YOU SERIOUS? JUST PLEASE SIT BACK AND LOOK AT IT FROM MY STANDPOINT ONE DAY. TRY THAT FOR ME, AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU SEE.

WOW AT THE THINGS YOU SAY TO ME NOW TOO. YOU HURT ME MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW. IN SOME WAYS MORE THAN THE FIRST. HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE? I CAME OUT OF MY SHELL FOR YOU. AFTER TRUSTING NOBODY FOR YEARS, I TRUSTED YOU. LETTING DOWN A WALL OF PROTECTION, THAT TOOK ME 10 YEARS TO CONSRTUCT, AND YOU PULLED IT DOWN. THEY SAY "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist"....NOPE, LOL THAT WASNT THE GREATEST TRICK.

OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT PUTTING EVERYTHING IN HERE, SO THIS WONT MAKE MUCH SENSE TO ANYONE BUT YOU AND I. IF YOU EVER EVEN SEE/READ THIS. BUT YOU GOT ME DUDE....AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THRU, AND IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE MUCH TO SOME, BUT THEY DONT KNOW...BUT AFTER ALL THAT TO COME TO THIS? YEAH YOU GOT ME....BUT I WANTED TO BE, AND THATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND PEOPLE IN MY PAST. I LET MYSELF BE OPEN TO GET. I EVEN FEEL ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR BELIEVING IN LOVE. THE FUCKED PART ABOUT IS THAT PART OF ME STILL BELIEVES IN IT, IN YOU....IN US....GUESS I ALWAYS WILL.....SHORTCAKE.

MISSIN YOU

IM SITTIN HERE ALONE DRINKIN
THIS BICARDI 151 GOT ME THINKIN
BOUT HOW U USED TO DIP UR
FACE IN MY PUSSY FOR A DRINK AND
MAKE THEM SLURPIN SOUNDS
WITH UR TONGUE SO FAT AND ROUND
LIPS SEXY AND FULL AS U NIBBLE AND
PULL ON MY CLIT JUST A BIT
ENOUGH TO MAKE ME "MMMMMOAN"
WITH PLEASURE WHEN YOU SLIDE YOUR
FINGERS IN MY TREASURE, CHEST RISIN
AND FALLIN CAUSE DADDY'S GOT ME
CUMMIN AND GOIN OUT OF MY MIND
EACH AND EVERYTIME HE FINDS MY
SPOT, I GET SO HOT WHEN I REMINISCE
ON THE WAY YOU USED TO KISS MY
VERTICAL SMILE. HOLDIN BACK SO
YOU'D STAY DOWNTOWN FOR A WHILE.
I'M REMEMBERIN YOUR HOLD ON
MY HIPS AS I WIGGLE AND AND TRY TO SLIP
FROM YOUR GRIP. NOTHING LIKE THE FEEL
OF YOUR HANDS ON MY SKIN AS YOU
TONGUE WRESTLE MY KITTY AND YOU ALWAYS
WIN. CAUSE I LIKE THE OUTCUM OF UR JOB
WELL DONE. THE WAY MY JUICES FLOW
LET'S YOU KNOW, THAT YOU'VE COMPLETELY
ROCKED MY WORLD...YEAH YOU SLAYED THIS BIG GIRL.
TOOK ME OUT OF MY GAME, DAYUM IM CALLIN YOUR NAME
LEAVIN ME SHAKIN AND SHIVERIN, BODY QUIVERIN.
TOTALLY SPENT IN THE AFTERMATH OF YOUR VISCIOUS
TONGUE BATH...... DAYUM, I'M MISSIN YOU....(NBFMLYD)

TRUST....YEAH RIGHT

HOW DO YOU LEARN TO TRUST PEOPLE WHEN ALMOST EVERYONE AROUND YOU SEEMS TO BE FULL OF SHIT? THE PAST FEW MONTHS HAVE BEEN TRULY DISAPPOINTING TO ME. WHAT HAPPENED WHEN PEOPLE YOU CALLED YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY KNEW HOW TO REALLY ACCEPT THOSE POSITIONS AND LIVE UP TO THOSE STANDARDS? IF I TELL YOU SOMETHING, I DONT EXPECT TO GET IT BACK FROM A THIRD PERSON. IF YOU TELL ME SOMETHING IS ONE WAY, I DONT EXPECT TO FIND OUT YOU'RE TELLING PEOPLE SOMETHING ALL TOGETHER DIFFERENT.

IS IT TOO FUCKIN MUCH TO ASK TO BE TREATED HOW YOU TREAT PEOPLE NOWADYS? I MEAN IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO HAVE SOME DAYUM COUTH AND RESPECT ANOTHER PERSONS FEELINGS?

SOME OF YOU MF'S MAKE ME SICK....GRINNING IN MY FACE....OR BETTER YET "PISSIN IN MY FACE AND TRYING TO TELL ME ITS RAINING....COMMENT IF YOU WANT TO, I DONT REALLY GIVE A DAYUM................YALL GONNA MAKE THE REAL ME COME OUT YET....THAT EVIL BITCH IS SHAKIN THE CELLAR DOOR I KEEP HER LOCKED AWAY BEHIND....TSUNAMI'S START BENEATH A CALM SEA..REMEMBER THAT

CODE BLUE....

I TRIED TO STOP WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
MAKE ALL THESE FEELINGS GO AWAY.
CANT TAKE THE WAY I REACTED,
BUT I WANTED YOU TO STAY.
I WAS AFRAID OF WHAT I FELT
CAUSE IT STARTED THIS WAY BEFORE
I GAVE MY ALL TO SOMETHING REAL
IN THE END I VOWED TO LOVE NO MORE
I WANTED TO STOP MYSELF FROM FALLING
LETTING GO FOR EVEN JUST A TRIAL.
I WAS SO MUCH SAFER
WHEN MY FOUNDATION WAS DENIAL.........................

PHOTOGRAPH........

I WANT TO PHOTOGRAPH YOU. EVERY MOVE. BENDIN, STRETCHIN, WHATEVER YOU DO. FROM THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD TO THE SOLES OF YOUR FEET. PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION TO ALL SPOTS IN BETWEEN. CAUSE IF I'M HONEST, I'LL INCLUDE, THAT AT TIMES THOSE ARE THE SPOTS I'M MOST ATTRACTED TO.

DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME, I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE INTELLIGENT. BUT THERE ARE THESE TIMES WHEN THAT'S TRULY IRRELEVANT. LIKE WHEN YOU EMERGE FRESH FROM A SHOWER. YOUR BEAUTIFUL BROWN SKIN EXUDING NOTHING BUT POWER. DROPS OF WATER LINGER ON THE TIPS OF YOUR FINGERS JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO QUENCH A THIRST THAT'S BEEN BUILDING UP INSIDE OF ME. BUT I HAVE TO CONTROL THIS WAVE OF ECSTASY THAT SWELLS SO DEEP IN ME SO I CAN GET MY PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. DOING WHAT YOU DO TO INTOXICATE AND ENTICE ME SO NICELY AS YOU PLEASE, DON'T STOP. I WANNA PHOTOGRAPH YOU SITTING, LAYING, WHATEVER YOU DO. ON YOUR BACK IF YOU WILL. MIND IF I SIT ON THIS SPACE? I WANT A CLOSE UP OF YOUR FACE. YOUR EYES, YOUR LIPS...UM GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY HIPS. THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF TRIP....YET. BUT BET, THE LONGER I PHOTOGRAPH YOU LYING DOWN IN THE NUDE DOING THE THINGS YOU DO WHILE I SIT ATOP THIS SPACE LOOKING DOWN AT YOUR FACE, I'LL FINALLY COME AROUND AND IT'LL BE TIME TO PUT THIS CAMERA DOWN.....................